“Anyone who thinks adoption is second best has got it totally wrong,” said Carole from the New Forest. “It’s as wonderful as giving birth to your own child,” added Carole who is proud mum to five year old Bea and says it’s the best decision she and her husband Andy ever made.
Carole and Andy are helping Hampshire County Council raise awareness to adoption in Adoption Week. The County Council is especially keen to hear from prospective adopters who are happy to become parents to children aged two and above, sibling groups and children with special needs.
Carole had resigned herself to being childless after IVF and a frozen embryo transfer treatment failed.
“Infertility can be so crushing,” said Carole.
“I thought I wasn’t going to be a mum then I bumped into a friend who was leaving work to become an adoptive parent. She encouraged me to make some enquiries, I’d heard it was tough but she said it was nowhere near as tough as IVF and the outcome was so positive so that set us thinking.”
Adopting a second child
Carole said she found it a tough but really interesting process and said social workers assigned to her and her husband were so supportive throughout. She and Andy are now embarking on a second adoption to find a sister for Bea and praise Hampshire County Council for having adapted the process for second timers.
“Many local authorities make you go through exactly the same process again which does seem a waste of time and resources,” said Carole. “Thankfully Hampshire has modified it to make it easier for second-timers so you don’t duplicate some of the sessions which you have to do as a first-time adopter.”
Carole praised the support she has had from social workers but also important has been the support from other adoptive parents she has met through the process and on an online forum which she started.
Vital support
“It really does help having people who know what you are going through and understand the highs and lows that you can feel as you go through the process. As you go through the process you learn a lot about yourself and your family dynamics but it also helps you to realise that you have such a lot to offer a child which is so important.
“The forum support has been great – we meet up with the children, which is as good for them as it is for us parents. You can think your child’s behaviour is because they’re adopted but when you get together with other parents you realise most of the time the tempers and tantrums are simply because they are children! I wouldn’t change anything about the last few years.”
You can make a real difference
“As Carole and Andy’s story shows adoption is a chance to make real difference to the lives of vulnerable children,” said Councillor Roy Perry, Hampshire County Council’s Deputy Leader and Executive Lead member for Children’s Services.
“Children come into our care for a variety of reasons but whatever the reasons the one thing they have in common is they are vulnerable and in need of a loving stable home with a family who can care for their specific needs. Much is often reported of the length of time it takes to adopt but because we are dealing with very vulnerable children the process must be thorough to ensure the best match is made to meet the needs of the child. Sometimes there are delays due to court processes outside of the local authority’s control, however I wouldn’t want that to deter anyone for as Carole’s experiences show the outcome makes it all worthwhile.
“We are especially keen to hear from people who are happy to adopt older children, brothers and sisters or children with special needs. Like any other parenting adoption is often challenging and hard work but as David illustrates it is very rewarding helping a child who may have had a difficult start to life to grow and thrive.”
How to find out more about adoption
If you think you can open your heart and your home to children in need of care, especially older children, sibling groups or children with very specific needs such as those with learning difficulties, physical disabilities or a medical condition then contact Hampshire County Council on 0845 6035 620. For more information visit our website: http://www3.hants.gov.uk/childrens-services/families/adoption.htm
There are few barriers to becoming an adopter. You must be aged 21+ but you can be single, married, a couple living together in a civil partnership or in a same sex relationship and you don’t have to have had your own children. You will undergo an assessment process and training before being matched with a child.
